Shrek: DBZ & SM Style
by Callisto Star
Summary: A weird idea I got after I saw the movie Shrek (which was really funny and I recomend it). The cast of DBZ & SM are the actors. How will they ever finish filming?! R & R.
1. Prologue

A/N: YAY!!! Spacing shows up now cause I got Microsoft Word!!! Yippee!!! And I watched Shrek again so I will improve this while re-uploading it for spacing.  
  
R & R. [...] is an AN. I do not own Shrek, DBZ, SM, or any other crossovers that come in. Enjoy! P.S. I get to be the director of my own fic! Yay!!!  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****  
  
"Hey! Move it!"  
  
"Get out of my way, I was here first!"  
  
"I am Prince of all Saiyins, bow before me and let me through."  
  
"Yeah, and I'm Princess of the Cosmos so MOVE IT!"  
  
"Stop pushing or I'll blast you all the way to Jupiter."  
  
"Oh no you won't, no scum like him is going there."  
  
"Hey, let me see! ME ME ME ME ME!!!!"  
  
"PLACES, PLACES!" called the megaphone from some distant corner. The chaos susided (slightly) as there was a mad dash to get to the set.  
  
"How are we supposed to do this movie when we have no clue who we're supposed to be?" yelled someone as they ran. As the crowd cleared, a lone paper could be seen fluttered with the wind and taped to the wall:  
  
SHREK: DBZ & SM STYLE Shrek: Piccolo [LOL!]  
  
Donkey: Son Goku  
  
Lord Farquad of Dunlanc[sp?]: Chiba Mamoru  
  
Princess Fiona: Kino Makoto  
  
Dragon: Son Chichi [hehehe]  
  
Magic Mirror: Yamcha  
  
Bachlorettes: Ami, Minako, Usagi, Rei  
  
Men with signs (Applause, etc.): Trunks, Gohan, Goten  
  
Gingerbread Man: Chaotzu  
  
Robin Hood: Master Roshi  
  
Effects and Magic: Setsuna and other Senshi  
  
Stage Manager: Bulma  
  
Chorus, Fairy Tale creatures, people of Dunlanc, and all other parts: Tien, Krillen, Vegeta, Yamcha, Ami, Minako, Usagi, Rei, Trunks, Gohan, Goten, Chaotzu, Master Roshi, Setsuna, Hotaru, Michiru, Haruka, AND EVERYONE ELSE!!!  
  
**************************************************************************** ** **************************************************************************** **  
  
Hehehe, that was just the beginning... 


	2. Ogre or Namek?

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****  
  
The cast milled around dumbfounded, waiting for some cue.  
  
"LIGHTS!" Setsuna held up her garnet rod, and blazing light suddenly filled the set.  
  
"CAMERA!" "Rollin'," yelled Bulma.  
  
"AND... ACTION!!!" Pause.  
  
More pause.  
  
Silence.  
  
"WHERE IS THAT NAMEK!" hollered Vegeta. "HE DISGRACES ME BUT GETTING A BETTER PART THAN I AND THEN REFUSES TO SHOW! WHERE IS HIS HONOR!?!?!"  
  
"Calm down Veggie," says Bulma, as he gives her death glares.  
  
"Will somebody PLEASE find Piccolo and get him out here!"  
  
"VENUS LOVE CHAIN ENCIRCLE!!!!" A golden chain flies out of Minako's hand and captures and hidden Namek, pulling him out of his hiding spot.  
  
"I REFUSE to be an OGRE. I am a NAMEK! And I have BETTER things to do than play IMAGINATION like 2-YEAR-OLDS!!!"  
  
Everyone sweatdrops. "Chill Piccolo," says Goku with a foolish smile, "It will be fun! I get to be your trusty stead!" Piccolo mutters something. "What?!?" asked Goku, cocking his head sideways.  
  
"Nevermind, Dad," interrupts Gohan, "let's get on with the show."  
  
"Ok, let's try this again." "LIGHTS... CAMERA... ACTION!!!!!"  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Piccolo walks onto the set, grumbling, amist Smash Mouth's 'All Star.' "Somebody turn that STUPID MUSIC OFF!!!" yells the ogre...er... Namek.  
  
Silence. [No more music.]  
  
::grumble, grumble:: Scene continues. Men come running in to get Piccolo."KILL THE OGRE!!!"  
  
"For the last time, you FOOLS," screams Piccolo, "I am a NAMEK! A NAMEK!!!"  
  
Men continue coming. "Kill the Ogre!!!"  
  
Piccolo: AHHH!!!!  
  
Men turn to run, but Piccolo is powered up.  
  
"SPECIAL BEAM CANON!" Shoots out of Piccolo's hand and 'fries' the men.  
  
Screaming as Bulma runs on the set. "Piccolo! What did you do to the props?!"  
  
.:Sweatdrop:. "Props?"  
  
"Yea, look..." Bulma pick up a piece of scrap metal and cardboard from the ground with a man's face glued to it. "These were my best invention yet- humanoid cardboard robots!"  
  
Piccolo: (bigger sweatdrop) "..." **************************************************************************** **  
  
Scene 2 (or whatever)-  
  
"Yep, now I'm a flying talking Saiyin donkey that wants to know where Piccolo is to save my butt!" Goku is running through the (fake) forest and (fake) trees in a strange grey outfit.  
  
Piccolo finally comes charging through, knocking down several cardboard trees in the process, blasts the soldiers, and turns to leave.  
  
"Hey Pic- I mean Shrek. You were really good back there. Umm.. What is my line. I do not remember it so I am babbling to use up space."  
  
Muttering off set and someone holds up a cue card. "Oh yea- Why... don't... we... be... part- part- Sorry, what's the last part?" [No pun intended] Muttering. "Oh yea- PARTNERS!!! Piccolo? Um, Piccolo where are you? You can't go back home yet, you can't find the fairy tale people yet. You have to wait! It's in the script and..." Goku runs crashing through the set to find his green friend.  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Still later-  
  
Mamoru: "So I'm a prince again, huh?"  
  
"Not a Prince, you idiot," yelled Vegeta, "I'm the only true prince here." [Too True!!!] "I deserved that part much more than YOU. But YOU are only a LORD in this. Lord Farthquad."  
  
"What?!? I'm HIM!!! No, no, no, no. I've seen this movie; I know what happens to that guy. I'm out of here. Enjoy the part, Veggie."  
  
Vegeta give him death glares, but happily goes up and puts on the crown. Mamoru flees out a distant door. "So what do I do now?" asks an impatient Vegetable. Crowd sweatdrops. "Read the script, Vegeta."  
  
"Mirror, Mirror, near my wall, who hold the most power of them all?"  
  
Yamcha comes running on the set holding a circle around his head. "Um, you do, I guess. But that wasn't in the script. You're supposed to say something about a perfect kingdom and then I say 'Well technically you're not a king' and then you say..."  
  
Veggie: "ALRIGHT ENOUGH!!! Do your part already!!"  
  
Yamcha: "Here goes..." Yamcha's attitude and voice changes into that of a game show host.  
  
"You have: Bachlorette #1: (Ami walks onto set and does a model walk) An intelligent girl who is doomed to sleep forever because she read to many books. Her hobbies include reading, sleeping, and doing math problems.  
  
Bachlorette #2: (Minako walks onto the set and ditto) A pretty girl who is unfortunately doomed to forever roam the Earth. She enjoys doing her nails, fixing her hair, and playing volley ball.  
  
Bachlorette #3: (Usagi) A princess renowned for her beauty who has been turned into a swan by a jealous witch and turns human again each night when the moon shines. Her hobbies are daydreaming, flying, and wishing.  
  
Bachlorette #4: (Rei) This princess is known best for her bossiness, especially to Bachlorette #3. She likes to sing and dance, and be psychic.  
  
Bachlorette #5: (Makoto walks on) Locked away in a ancient castle on a high cliff, where the sky meets the land. Feared for her strength and skill at martial arts. Her hobby is mostly fighting."  
  
Yamcha pauses and takes a breath as 5 Inner senshi line up. "So, who will it be, Farthquad? Bachlorette #1, 2, 3, 4 or 5? Choose wisely."  
  
Veggie is lost in thought. [wow!] "Well, I don't care very much for brain- iacs or psychics or girlie girls. And I've been paired up with that swan one too many times. [But not enough- I luv those fics!] And I don't know why I am here but the only worthy one is one who can take care of herself- the one who fights!"  
  
Sound of a bell- ding, ding, ding (correct). "Great choice Lord- (death glare from Veggie) er.. Prince Farthquad. Congratulations. Princess # 5 is Princess Mak- Fiona and like I said, she resides in a ancient castle on a high cliff, where the sky meets the land. It is guarded by lightning and a ferocious dragon and the quest to find her will be dangerous. Good luck!" (Bulma calling somewhere offset) "Umm... bye now!" Yamcha flees and senshi follow.  
  
Bulma comes running on. "VEGETA!!!! WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH ALL THOSE GIRLS THAT JUST LEFT!!!!!!"  
  
"Be quiet woman and leave me in peace. It was Yamcha's idea."  
  
"Oh SURE, just blame it ALL on HIM! YOU're coming with ME, MISTER!" Bulma is furious and storms off set dragging Veggie by the ear to find her ex. Lights fade.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****  
  
End (for now). Lol, that was fun. Hope you liked it. Please Review! 


	3. More Chaos

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****  
  
Scence 7 or something:  
  
Everybody ('cept Piccolo & Goku) is in a big stadium. Gohan, Trunks, and Goten are on the field holding signs. A sort of obstacle course is set up on the ground. Vegeta is at a type of podium. Piccolo and Goku are waiting to enter. Everybody else is in the stands.  
  
Veggie is beginning his announcement: "Worthless onnas and baka germs, [hehehe] it is my displeaure to dennounce you today and hold a contest."  
  
Everyone sweatdrops. Gohan, Goten, and Trunks are confused as Veggie obviously isn't following the script. They shrug and hold up the cards anyway. Applause.  
  
Veggie: "Let the contestants approach and the contest begin!!!!"  
  
A group of knights in armor stiffly walk forward. Suddenly the doors are thrown open and Goku-Donkey and Piccolo-Shrek walk forward.  
  
The knights see them and run toward them to attack. "SPECIAL BEAM CANON!!!" Before any of them can even touch Piccolo or Goku, they are all fried to a crisp.  
  
"PICCOLO! NOT AGAIN!!!!" Bulma's voice can be heard off set as Piccolo sweatdrops. "Oh, so those were robots, too, huh?"  
  
Veggie: "Shut up, onna!" He is standing in the stands [Um, whatever.] "So, you can handle a few mechanic robots, but can you handle a true warrior? I highly doubt it and *I* shouldn't waste my *precious* time on you worthless bakas."  
  
Piccolo: "Bring it on!" [AN: have you ever noticed how often they use this phrase in DBZ?]  
  
Goku is standing there, unsure what to do, while Piccolo is in a fighting stance and Veggie is about to fly down onto the field. "Um, guys?" he says.  
  
The 2 fighters turn to glare at him and Goku puts his hand behind his head. "Um, shouldn't we wait for later to settle this? I mean, we should follow the script. Vegeta, your supposed to give us some quest." ::grumble grumble::  
  
Veggie: "Shut up, Kakorot." (To Pic) "Go get this princess and I'll give you your swamp back. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. All the fine print stuff and special details. There! Now get out of my sight!!!!"  
  
**************************************************************************** ** Scene 13 [hehehe, unlucky number]:  
  
Piccolo-Shrek and Goku-Donkey have travelled many miles and are now staring at the forbidden looking castle before them. Lightning flashes, illuminating an old unsturdy rope bridge leading across a fiery pit to the ancient castle on a cliff.  
  
Goku- (looks down) ::gulp:: "Um, Piccolo, do we really have to cross this shaking bridge. It doesn't look safe. I mean--"  
  
Piccolo interupts- "Stop being a baka, Goku. Of course we don't have to cross that bridge."  
  
Goku- "Um, no? Then how do we get across?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Piccolo? Shrek? Piccolo?"  
  
He looks up and see Pic already more than halfway to the tower. "Piccolo Wait!!!!!"  
  
Goku goes SSJ to catch up and both stop in mid air near castle. "No, Piccolo, you gotta urge me across and scare me and--"  
  
"Shut up Goku."  
  
Suddenly they are interupted by a sing-song voice. [Hehehe, my favorite part.] "Gooooookuuuuu!!!!"  
  
Goku- ::gulp:: (under breath) "Oh no, no, no, no, no..."  
  
Pic- "Have fun, Goku. I gotta find this girl." He blasts off leaving a nervous Goku to the mercy of the Chichi-Dragon [hehehe].  
  
"Gooooookuuuuu!!!! Where are yoooouuu!!!!" comes the sing-song voice again.  
  
Goku laughs nervously and puts his hand behind his head. "Uh, hi Chichi. I'm here."  
  
Chichi-Dragon comes onto scene. She is purple and pink and his LONG eyelashes and fire coming out of her nostrils and BIG claws and teeth.  
  
Goku: (mutter) "And I thought she was dangerous with a frying pan."  
  
Chichi: "What's that, dear?" Goku: "Only how... uh.... LOVELY you look."  
  
Chichi: (big smile & flutters eyelashes) "Thank you darling. Now, you DID leave our two sons home, right? They have a lot of studying that they need to catch up on."  
  
G: (sweatdrop & hand behind head) "Ummm . . . . well . . . . ."  
  
C: " G O K U . . . " (fire starts pouring out of her nostrils).  
  
G: "Well, uh, yeah . . . they're, um, reading and . . . um . . . writing. Yeah, of course they are!"  
  
(Gohan and Goten are seen with Trunks behind the set laughing over some old comic books and struggling to read what their (applause, etc.) cards say.)  
  
Chichi: "You are such a good father. Someday our boys will grow to be the next Einstien or Edison or Darwin [etc.]. And they'll learn that peace can be achieved without fighting and . . . "  
  
Goku sweatdrops and begins to doze off as Chichi rambles on.  
  
**************************************************************************** ** Meanwhile-  
  
Piccolo roughly shakes Makoto's sleeping form. "Get up."  
  
Makoto just lays there smiling. Piccolo practically throws her off the bed, but she manages somehow to stay there. "GET UP!!!"  
  
Mako: (with eyes still shut) "The only thing that will wake me is love's first kiss." (dreamy). She puckers up with eyes still closed.  
  
Pic: "Get up or I'll BLAST YOU TO PIECES!!"  
  
Mako: (finally up) "Jeez, I'm awake! Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed. Hey, where're you going?"  
  
Pic is out the door and down the steps. "I'm leaving while Goku is still distracting Chichi-Dragon. That woman never liked me, said I was bad influence on her kids."  
  
Mako: "Ok, whatever. I'm coming with you. There's no way I'm staying in this dump."  
  
Pic just grunts.  
  
Mako: (muttering while going down steps) "This is going to be a LONG trip."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **** 


	4. Party!

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ****  
  
Makoto-Fiona, Goku-Donkey, and Piccolo-Shrek are walking along through forest. Heading back to Veggie's castle in Dulanc [or however you spell it!!!].  
  
Suddenly a figure hops out of the forest and onto a limb. "Do not fear madam, I will save you from these wretched beasts!"  
  
It's Master Roshi, dressed all in green with a bow and arrow.  
  
Pic is in a fighting stance. "Who you calling wretched beasts?"  
  
Roshi Hood hops down to ground.  
  
Mako: "Chill, Pic, let me take this one."  
  
Pic leans back and crosses arms. "Show me what you've got." [Another phrase they love in DBZ.]  
  
Mako: "Thanks Pic." Mako is in fighting stance as the Merry men start popping up out of foliage and singing.  
  
Suddenly Mako jumps up and goes into karate mode and starts kicking and punching everything in sight. The men go down like bowling pins. As a last final move, Mako jumps high into the air and the whole screen turns. [MATRIX!!!!!] She places her final kick into Roshi Hood's face, knocking him senseless. She lands lightly on her feet, surrounded by a pile of bodies. She dusts off her hands. "Ok, I'm done, let's go."  
  
**************************************************************************** **Scene 56 (It's fun to make up random numbers):  
  
The sun is about to set. The trio hastily found an old windmill and made camp there, Mako hastily shutting the door in the others' faces.  
  
A few minutes later Pic leaves and Goku silently creeps into windmill. He is in the center of the floor when suddenly there is a piercing scream from above. Mako comes running down the spiral steps screaming at the top of her lungs, holding her head. Goku grabs her as she runs by, still screaming. He has to yell to be heard.  
  
"MAKOTO! WHAT . . . IS . . . WRONG?"  
  
"I ... ::pant, pant, sob, sob:: ... am ... ::pant, pant, sob, sob:: ... GREEN!!!!!! I AM GREEN!!!!!"  
  
Goku: "Makoto, calm down. You're green?"  
  
Mako: "My SKIN!!! It is GREEN!!!! It's HORRIBLE!!!! It CLASHES HORRIBLY with my DRESS!!!!!! I always liked the color green, but as a SKIN COLOR!!!!!! And my HEAD!!!! (she grabs her hair to reveal 2 little green things poking out.) I have ANTENNAS!!!!!! AHHH!!!!"  
  
Goku: "Shh... It's ok. Now we know how Piccolo must feel." Mako refuses to calm down and continues her piercing wails that cause the whole cast to cover their ears and wish the scene would end . . . . . . .  
  
**************************************************************************** **Scene 72:  
  
Wedding music is playing. Everyone ('cept Piccolo and Goku (AGAIN) and Chichi-Dragon) is in cathedral in pews. Mako walks in in a beautiful white wedding dress (her skin is back to normal). Veggie is up front in a suit wondering how he got talked into this job. The two line up at the alter (Mako significantly taller than Veggie) and the minister begins.  
  
Mako interupts: "Enough gibberish, mister, let's get to the important part."  
  
Minister flips through his book and stops at a point. "Prince Vegeta-Lord Farthquad, do you take Princess Makoto-Fiona to be your lawful wedded wife?" No answer.  
  
"Ok then, Princess Makoto-Fiona, do you take Prince Vegeta-Lord Farthquad to be your lawful wedded husband?" No answer. "WILL SOMEBODY GIVE ME SOME REPLY?!?!?!"  
  
Bulma comes storming in. "I object!!!! Veggie is already taken, he can't get married again. He--"  
  
Interupted by a huge crash. Piccolo-Shrek blasts through the doors, followed by Goku-Donkey. Chichi-Dragon through the window right behind the alter.  
  
Everyone starts fighting. Piccolo blasts away Bulma's robot guards, ten at a time. Goku and Vegeta are having an all-out battle, both SSJ.  
  
Sun is setting. Makoto runs out of the building, screaming at the top of her lungs: "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"  
  
Sailor Senshi just stare at her. "What's wrong with Mako-chan?"  
  
Piccolo has blasted all the robots that there are. "Enough is enough. I will waster no more of my time. I'm leaving." He powers up and blasts off, breaking another window.  
  
Chichi is furious. "All right Vegeta, that's enough. Out of my way Goku." Goku back up as Chichi prepares to pounce on Veggie.  
  
"CUT!!!" Everyone one looks up, confused.  
  
"QUICK, SOMEBODY SEND IN VEGGIE'S STUNT DOUBLE!!!!" Vegeta finds himself being pushed out of the way as someone throws a confused Mamoru into his place. "AND ACTION!!!!"  
  
Chichi lunges, gulping down an unfortunate Mamoru. Cheering. Usagi is in audience, wiping away a tear. "Aww... poor Mamo-baka." Suddenly she brightens up. "Oh well! Come one, Gohan, there's a party afterward . . ."  
  
  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
PARTY!!!!! Goku is on the mic, complete with a band of seven dwarves. He is singing "Believer", though a bit off tune. Everyone is dancing and having a great time.  
  
"... And then I saw her face, now I'm a believer! Not a trace of doubt in my mind! I'm in love (ooo) I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried! And then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer!"  
  
Gohan and Usagi are dancing as well as Ami & Tien, Minako & Yamcha, Rei & Trunks, and even Chibi Usa and Goten. Even Veggie and Bulma are dancing (a little.)  
  
"I believe I believe I believe I believe I believe I believe, I'm a believer . . ."  
  
Piccolo and Makoto are nowhere to be seen (but one could guess she is trying to get all that green makeup off and Pic is probably meditating.) And so it ends. Fade out.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **** 


End file.
